‘A new confidence’.
It’s 11am and I’m in Phil’s home in Kennington London. I’m sitting on the mattress I slept on, leaning against his sofa. He’s off for a Christmas get together with his neighbours and for the first time since returning to the UK 4 days ago, I feel I’ve headspace to write.
Two weeks have passed since I’ve finished the PCT. And circumstances have been such that I’ve not yet felt the chilly shadow of reverse culture shock thru hikers talk of. Rather I’m still basking in the after glow.
I’ve spent time in London with dear friends – Lizzie, Donna, Anne and now Phil. All were in close contact with me while I walked and here have asked me beautiful questions, whilst also answering mine.
It feels really important not get consumed by my story. I want to know all that’s going on for these precious people who’s last 5 months on this planet matter just as much as mine.
As I talk I overhear my voice in a way that’s hard to do alone. I hear a new energy and confidence in my voice.
My plans are many – apparently I’m going to learn Spanish, dig deeper as a therapist, set up a counselling hub, move into a smaller house, do another big hike, buy a car, date more, progress with mountain leadership, write a book. And the fun thing is – it all feels possible. It all feels exciting.
And yet as I sit here, alone, this is what feels like home – sipping coffee, reflecting, just being. A sense that these dreams are amazing AND it doesn’t matter what becomes of them.
I’ve no idea which of these many dreams will be realised and which are just fun to dream. All are in alignment with my values but some may be distractions or not for now.
What I know to be true is this trek and the loving support that has accompanied it have given me a new confidence.
How often do we give ourselves permission to dream and to let these dreams dance – rather than shooting them down with cold facts and self doubt? Here’s to dreaming on. Xxx