“The Unstuckifed Retreat – Is it airy fairy and for a bunch of hippies?'”

The retreat venue at Forse, Caithness.
The retreat venue at Forse, Caithness.

She sits her coffee cup back in its saucer and looks serious.⁣
“Don’t be offended Sho…” she starts.⁣

She’s a friend and she’s been through a hell of a year, I care about her. What have I done? ⁣

I’m surprised, she’s interested in my May Unstuckifed retreat.⁣
And then she lists all the things that put her off taking action and booking.⁣

“…But when I look at your sales page, you all look and sound like a bunch of hippies and mung bean eaters! And is everyone really fit? There’s no way I’d want to swim in the sea!⁣ And it scares me not knowing exactly what you do on the retreat.⁣ And I’d be scared that I’d be different to everyone else.⁣
⁣I like the idea of it. I’d love to get space and time to work a few things out. But I just don’t know if I’d fit in. I don’t know if I’d gel with the group.”⁣

My heart both sinks and rises. I realise I’m doing my retreat an injustice. She’s been put off by barriers that I didn’t realise were there. And I’m so glad she’s had the guts to tell me.⁣

She adds: “I’m not interesting in being all ‘airy fairy’. I’m a grounded down to earth person. I’m a working Mum who just needs to get herself back on track. I know I need to look after myself.”⁣

And so over the next few days I’m going to answer her heart felt questions about the retreat. Here’s the first:⁣

Is the Unstuckified retreat for a ‘type’ of woman? Is it all ‘airy fairy’?⁣

No – it’s for everyday folk who want to get away so they can have mind space to explore how they can get unstuck. ⁣
The youngest person has been 24 and the most senior has been 70. ⁣
(Mung beans and hemp are optional but I’ve never seen either on retreat!).⁣
The content of the retreat isn’t airy fairy at all – rather my work is influenced by the scientifically evidenced work of Acceptance Commitment Therapy. And we still leave space for fun, imagination and the quiet wisdom of nature.⁣

(More responses to her questions in another mini blog. In the meantime my Unstuckified Retreat is in Scotland on the 22 -25th May. Let me know if YOU have any questions.

Day 111

PCT Diary :: Day 111 & 112 – October 21-22, 2019

‘Things that scream in the night..’⁣

I camped next to a water cache kindly left by trail angels. There are about 50 gallon containers of water and I start my day filling 4 litres worth in my bottles. Water sources are few and far between in the desert.⁣

Water containers

As I hike I notice how much I’m enjoying this new landscape. I loved the Sierra’s but it’s engaging to be somewhere so different. I pass Joshua trees – they look anthropomorphic – the way they bend and pose, their twisty arthritic finger branches, their pineapple hair. ⁣

Day 111

There are new smells – one of the shrubs has a zesty aroma, another lavender like. One has a scent like a mild disinfectant. Another could be juniper. ⁣

In the afternoon what feels like 100s of crows fly over me. They have a huge wing span but their calls sound like crows. I’ve disturbed them. It’s like a scene from a Harry Potter movie. ⁣

Crows

It’s dark by the time I camp up. I’ve walked 23 rather than 25 miles but I’m tired. ⁣

In the middle of the night I’m woken by a blood curdling sound. It’s like high pitched screaming- or is it laughter? Are they cries of pain or of attack? There’s more than one, they move in a pack. They’re fast and are getting closer. Now so close. ⁣

I’m terrified. I don’t know what these creatures are but I’m lying with nothing to defend me in a bright yellow tent. Maybe I can use my walking poles? ⁣

The only sense that’s giving me information is my hearing. My brain is filling in the blanks and it isn’t helping. ⁣

They are quieter now. Have they gone? What’s that sniffing sound? Ah – it’s my own stuffy nose. ⁣

Deep breath. ⁣

I do some reality testing. Has anyone on the PCT been ravaged by a wild animal in their tent? No. Aside from bears and mountain lions are there any other wild animals that can harm me? Not that I know of. ⁣

I need to pee but it will have to wait till morning – there’s no way I’m going out in that. ⁣

In time I fall asleep – but with one ear open.

In the morning I trek with the memory. What were they? ⁣

I’ve one more night out here before I get to town, to Tehachapi, on Wednesday. I know the first thing I’ll be researching when I arrive.

Day 45

PCT Diary :: Day 45 and 46 – August 16-17, 2019

‘My Sherona’

Yesterday and today have mostly involved hiking through Oregon’s woodland in the blazing hot sunshine. And today I passed the 900 mile mark! ⁣

There’s always beauty to be found in the walking. But the thing that has stood out for me these last couple of days is this wonderful rag-tag community of hikers that I’ve become part of. ⁣

Day 45

The trail friend I’m closest to is Trees. She’s a American in her late 20s – she’s strong, full of life and great company. ⁣

I choose to walk alone but there’s are a growing group of folks on the trail that I’d call friends. I feel known and cared for. I know if something goes wrong someone would have my back. ⁣

We are all very different – from all walks of life – yet we are united in our daily choice to walk along this narrow strip of path for a further 1750 miles. This path is our one constant. ⁣

Trail names are a tradition on the PCT and I was given mine a few weeks ago. ⁣

Most Americans on the trail struggle to pronounce my name. Rather than Shona they say ‘Shuna’. ⁣

My friend from the Isle of Skye – Dejure – suggested ‘My Sherona’ as it’s easier for folks to say. ⁣

So that’s my new name. ⁣

I love it when people ask my name because, on the hearing, they usually burst into song. Sometimes with added air guitar! ⁣

With a new name can come a new identity but I feel more ‘me’ than ever out here. ⁣

Pre Pacific Crest Trail Departure Q&A with my little niece.

The day has come! Today I leave Scotland and in a few days’ time I’ll fly to Seattle to
begin my massive adventure of walking the Pacific Crest Trail. 

This is my final blog about my prep for my south bound PCT
attempt.

I spent last night with my nieces Rae (4), Zoe (1) and my sister Mo. It was a fine evening – the sun shone as I put my tent up in their garden. We pretended to sleep in it, then spent the rest of the evening eating, blethering and giggling.

 

Rae modeling my rucksack

Blethers turned to fun questions about my trip.

Given that I’m a bit tired and brain foggy this blog is based on
their questions.

Briefly, the Context

The Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) is a 2650 mile long distance walking
trail across the U.S.A.

From the 4th July until early December I’ll be hiking south bound through the States of Washington, Oregon and California. I’ll be
carrying all my kit and camping on the trail and passing through towns about once a week to pick up food resupply etc.

Rae modeling my rucksack

 

Rae modeling my rucksack

Morag and Rae’s Pacific Crest Trail Questions:

When do you go? Are you and your friends getting a ship? (Rae)

I’m leaving tomorrow! My friends are staying at home and I’m getting an aeroplane, not a ship.

Rae modeling my rucksack

 

Rae modeling my rucksack

When do you actually start walking? (Mo)

I’ve 3 days in Seattle and I start walking on Thursday 4th
of July.

Will you be staying in camp sites? 
(Mo)

I’ll mostly be wild camping along the trail. But the trail is well worn so there should be quite obvious places to camp. Once every 4 to 7 days I’ll be going ‘off trail’ into a town and I may stay in a camp sites or hostel there.

Will you meet other people? Will you walk with other people?  (Mo)

Yes. I’m going on my own but the PCT is popular, so I’ll
definitely meet other folks.

I’m getting a lift to the ‘Trail Head’ on the 4th
of July from a volunteer (a Trail Angel). He is taking 3 other people, so I’ll meet other walkers right at the start.  If we don’t click we’ll just walk at different paces!

From what I’ve read of through hikes, it’s common for people to
form “trail families”.  I’m really open to meeting people but I’m also equally happy if that doesn’t happen as I’m looking forward to the solitude and space.

Will you have a new friend? (Rae)

Yes, I probably will Rae!

Will you eat? (Rae) What will you eat? Will you eat soup?  (Rae)

Yes, I’ll eat.

Eating will be VERY important to me on this walk!

What will you eat? (Rae)

My menu will be something like:

Breakfast:  Porridge
with bits (nuts, fruit etc)

Lunch: A tortilla with nut butter or tuna or some other combination.

Snacks: Chocolate, cereal bars, nuts.

Dinner:  A freeze
dried packet meal from Expedition Foods that I just need to add hot water too.

Will you eat soup?  (Rae)

I wasn’t planning on eating soup but now you mention it.. some cuppa soups are a really good idea. Thanks Rae!

Where will you get your food from? Is there a café with sweeties near your
tent?

Ah I wish there would be cafés that close!

I’ll carry food with me and then every 4 to 7 days I’ll go into a town to get my next batch of food.

When I arrive in Seattle I’ll do a massive food shop and then post this food in boxes addressed to me, down the trail. At towns that are well stocked I’ll just go to a supermarket to do a resupply shop.

When I’m in a town I’ll definitely go to cafés and buy lots of food. I’m especially excited about eating lots of pancakes with maple syrup. And sweeties! 

Here’s part of my shopping list with some of the towns I’ll post boxes to and what I’ll put in them.

 

Shona’s PCT resupply boxes shopping list

How much will you walk each day? (Mo)

I’m hoping to build up to about 20 miles per day, but I’ll probably start with 15 miles for the first few days. I might not manage my
planned mileage, I’ll just have to see how it goes.

This is my rough plan with daily mileage, town name and dates:

 

Shona’s PCT plan

What will be your social highlights? What will you see of American culture?
(Mo)

I imagine the social highlights will be the people I meet on trail. I’ve a feeling I’m going to meet some amazing folks.

I’m going to be passing through some lovely towns. One that particularly interests me is Stehekin in Washington State – it sounds incredibly beautiful.

I’m excited to be walking through the John Muir Trail in California. I’m hoping to listen to some of John Muir’s books while I walk. I love reading books related to places I visit – it helps me feel more connected.

I’ll walk without ‘entertainment’ for at least half of the day. But for the other half I’ll listen to music, podcasts or audio books.

Pacific Crest Trail Washington and Oregon Overview Map

 

Pacific Crest Trail Washington and Oregon Overview Map

Pacific Crest Trail California Overview Map

 

Pacific Crest Trail California Overview Map

What will you do for fun/ entertainment while walking? What about on an
evening? (Mo)

I think evenings will be pretty chilled / low key. I’ll probably be so tired that I’ll just want to crawl into my tent most nights. I’m really looking forward to the simplicity.

How often will you have access to the internet? (Mo)

I’ll get an American SIM card when I arrive, so I can message folks in the States. I’ll get WIFI and maybe limited 4G when in towns about once a week.

I want to do daily photos and Instagram posts as a kind of diary but I’ll only be able to send them when I’m in towns.

And it will be really nice to be ‘unplugged’ for the most part.

I’m really lucky as a couple of friends are going to help keep my Facebook and email newsletter going.

How will you keep clean? Will you mind what you’ll look like? (Mo)

I’ll wash in rivers and lakes and once a week in a town. My only cosmetics will be suncream and half a comb!

I’d like to think I won’t mind what I look like but I don’t know how I’ll feel until I’m in it.

But full disclosure Mo.. I had my eyebrows micro bladed before Christmas and I had my eye lashes tinted last week! I’ll be wearing shorts a lot of the time and I’m hoping to be able to shave my legs in towns. For some this would be over kill.. 

But these little things might help me feel just that little bit more attractive.

I was going to take the shirt that you think I look like Bear Grylls in!

Shona and Bear shot

 

This shirt is really functional for the trail but I don’t love the look!

Ha ha – you have to! (Mo)

It’s super functional and has pockets. But I feel dowdy and I look like a colonial explorer in it! My pal Kate gave me a solid piece of advice
yesterday:

“Even if it’s functional – if you feel rubbish in it – don’t take it!”

So, I’ll try and pick up another shirt in Seattle.

Are you taking any teddys with you? 
(Rae)

No, I hadn’t planned to. I’m really trying to keep my weight down. At present my bag weight – without food or water- is about 5 ½ Kg which
I’m really happy with.

Do you think I should be taking a teddy?

Yes, a teddy rabbit! (Rae)

 

My niece trying out my tent and sleeping bag before I go.

~~

So that’s me off (without a Teddy)!!

I feel so much love and support from friends and family but also from people who I don’t know in the ‘real world’ yet. So many folks have reached out and supported my fundraising for Mikey’s Line, have sent me good wishes and have helped with the logistics of this adventure.

With much excitement and love, Shona 

The Causeway at Carnmore

Walking the Fisherfield 6 and getting in the way of beauty.

The Fisherfields are also known as Scotland’s Great Wilderness, and they are in situated south of Ullapool, north of Torridon. The area and particularly the round of six mountains caught my imagination when I hiked the Cape Wrath Trail last year. The Fisherfield 6 are known for their dramatic peaks and ridges and breath taking views from the summits.

I wanted the physical and mental challenge and I felt that completing this round would help me feel ‘readier’ for the Pacific Crest Trail.

The causeway at Carnmore
The Causeway at Carnmore.

We ‘walked in’ from Kinlochewe on an unseasonably hot day. After a leisurely day walking thought the Letterewe Estate we camped by the causeway.

The causeway and the views on approach are well worth the walking effort, even if you have no intent of doing the Fisherfield round. The causeway enabled us to walk between Loch Fionn and Loch Duhb – the Loch of light and the Loch of dark.

Loch Fionn by moonlight
Loch Fionn by moonlight

My plan was to summit all 6 mountains and then camp at the bottom of the last hill, Bein a ‘ Chaidheimh. I’d walk back to Kinlochewe the next day. 

I went to bed early and said my goodbyes to Simon as we were parting ways the next morning. The plan was to solo the Fisherfield 6 whilst he had further research to do the in area. I crawled into my tent, reluctant to tear my eyes away from this landscape. The hills tucked us in to the north, south and east and Loch Fionn lay calm and serene to our west. 

I’d set my alarm for 5:15am but I’m awake and it’s only 5. It’s going to be a long day – at least 12 hours of walking – so it’s important to get as much of the day as I can.

I’m buzzing with nervous energy.

Packing up my tent in the moon’s gentle light, there’s a harsh quality to my thoughts.

Why am I leaving the place that had held me last night to venture alone into these mountains?

This thought opens the way to old familiar thoughts. Questions that bore me, but that I still feel compelled to itch.  

Will I manage?

Do I have the navigation skills?

And the fitness?

Will I make good decisions?

What if I make fool of myself and need to call for help?   

What if this shows me I’m not ready for the Pacific Crest Trail?

But now I feel a comfort as I remember the quiet confidence I saw in Simon’s eyes last night as we talked through my plan.

He had a calm expression as we confirmed our meeting time and point for the following day: Kinlochewe car park at 3pm. I’d searched for, but found no concern in his gaze.

Leaving Carnmore
Leaving Carnmore at 5:30am for the Fisherfield Mountains

I leave our camp and walk up this steep path, allowing this soup of doubt and hope to settle within me.

I’m in motion. Desire stronger than fear.  

8:12 am. Ruadh Stac Mor (The Red Stack).    

A stalkers path and a fun scrambly pull has led me to this summit.

From this height I can see clearly in every direction.  

view from Ruadh-Stac-Mor mountain
My view from Ruadh-Stac-Mor
view from Ruadh-Stac-Mor
view from Ruadh-Stac-Mor

9:17 am A’Mhaighdean (The Maiden).

The second hill right across from me looks easy to access from the beallach. But the remaining hills seem miles away. They loom massive – crags, dark mounds with dramatic ridges.

Looking down from A’Mhaighdean 2
View from A’Mhaighdean
View from A’Mhaighdean

11:15 am Bein Tarsuinn (the Transvere hill).

I’ve scrambled to Cairn on A’Mhaighdean (The Maiden). There’s a dramatic plunge to the crags at Dubh Loch and Fionn Loch lays beyond. Mountains frame my every view.  It seems a shame to move on so quickly but there’s about 4km to the next Munro.

I’d struggled to find the path up the slope of this hill. In my impatience I’d just ploughed up a fairly direct line. But given the steepness the going was heavy and I questioned my waymaking.

And then, as if the gods were watching my struggle, a very handsome dark haired man clad in running gear emerged from above me.

I waved and called to him, asking if he’d found a path.

In his Spanish accent told me he was on the goat’s track and I should be too. With a friendly laugh he continued to skip down the hill.

I turned a few minutes later to see if I could pick him out on the landscape – but he’d moved so quickly I couldn’t decide if I was seeing his bright green t-shirt – or just sphagnum moss.

As I made my way along the ridge I saw two figures coming towards me. An older man and woman greeted me with generous smiles. We blethered for some minutes. I enjoyed their company, particularly their relaxed way of being. They’d been picnicking on the ridge and didn’t seem to be in any hurry.

They shared they were also undertaking the Fisherfield round but unlike me from the traditional direction. Nervously, I asked if they thought I’d complete the round in time.

Their reply:   “Easily and with time to spare” .

And for the first time in 6 hours, I allow myself to relax.

This is after all one of the reason I come to the hills. To stop thinking. Or at least to think more slowly.

Bein Tarsuinn
The ridge of Bein Tarsuinn

1.20 pm & 2:30PM Mullach Coire Mic Fhearchair and Sgurr Ban  (the white Peak)

Despite my efforts I’m finding it harder to stay with the hills. I’m feeling less connected to the ground beneath my feet. Rather my attention is on time moving too quickly.

leaving-Sgurr-Ban-heading-to-the-last-hill
Leaving Sgurr Ban heading to the last hill

4:45 pm Bein a ‘ Chaidheimh   (The hill of the sword).

The wind has picked up. It’s blowing in about me. Standing here on this ridge I invite and welcome the aloneness.

This massive vista with layer upon layer of land-mountain-sea scape is everything. I feel my smallness. I feel this place’s indifference to my ‘me-ness’.  Not in a unkind way but in a way that somehow expands me.

View from the final summit Bein a ‘ Chaidheimh

I’m tired and part of me is already picking my way down towards the heather, the river and the flat grassy patch where I’ll pitch my tent and cook my dinner.

Yet another part of me wants to linger and understand what I know in this moment.

I understand that my completion of mountain rounds don’t matter. Nor my fearful thoughts and feelings.

I understand that what matters is getting to places of deep beauty. To moments of connection to things greater than me.

I understand that when I slip outside the smallness of my mind, when I stop trying to control everything, then there’s room for expansion.

This is what the Fisherfields have told me as I embark on the Pacific Crest Trail. Completing the PCT doesn’t matter, nor do the limiting thoughts and feelings throughout the journey.

It’s getting in the way of beauty that matters.

“There’s a sunrise and a sunset every day and you can choose to be there for it. You can put yourself in the way of beauty.” – Cheryl Strayed 

My tent up at the end of the round
I camp tiredly at the end of a long day

Pacific Crest Trail prep – the nerves and butterflies

It’s just 6 weeks until I fly from London to Seattle (1st of July 2019)  to begin the massive adventure of walking the Pacific Crest Trail.

This is my third – and penultimate monthly blog about my prep for my SOBO (south bound) PCT attempt.

In this blog I touch on both the factual / logistical elements of preparing for a trek like this, and the very real feelings of nerves and excited butterflies.

I’ve found this blog the hardest one to write thus far. Its content is dependant on my working out details of food resupply and timings.

Whilst part of me quite enjoys geeking out on logistics, I also find it hard, and so I procrastinate seeking easier rewards.

(My February prep blog HERE and my March one HERE). Continue reading